If I Give You My Heart, Will You Keep It?
by Fraulein Weisenheimer
Summary: Build up a wall, build it so strong you can't even break it down. But then, when the time comes for it to break, who can break it for you? JamesXLily


Build up a wall, build it so strong i you /I can't even break it down. But then, when the time comes for it to break, who can break it for you?

If I Give You My Heart, Will You Keep It?

preface 

A woman walked down the street. Her bitter tears mixed with the raindrops, falling in streaks on her face. She turned into a pub, clutching her closed umbrella tightly. As she shook out her wet hair, she looked across the pub. Other wet, shady characters seemed to be trying to drown their selves in various alcoholic drinks.

She sat at a table in the back, watching the rain bombard the window as if trying to reach her. She wiped her tears away, and mumbled to the bar maid that she would, perhaps, like some tea. She regretted it when the maid gave her a look, and suggested something stronger. 

Why! Her tormented thoughts pestered her already troubled mind. She didn't have to do it, and when she saw the look she would never forget… she sipped her tea slowly, glancing around the bar again. It was time to move on. She bunged the tab, and stood wearily. She made her way back out of the shop, avoiding the others' eyes.

The woman walked down the nearly empty street. Flashes from her first visit to the village allayed her as she passed. Every thing was gray and dreary, even the people were drawn and miserable looking, nothing like the first time she had come when she was just thirteen. Back then there had been bright colors, and cheerful people. 

Now people glanced suspiciously at each other, unsure of whom to trust scared for their lives, their optimism, their families. Voldemort had taken it all.

Hot blood boiled in the woman's veins as she thought of the man. He had ruined her life; he deserved whatever came to him. As she came back to herself, she deflated a bit. It wasn't the man's fault; he couldn't help how he felt. He couldn't help how she felt.

She entered the joke shop and hid behind the shelves. She didn't know what compelled her to come, not on this day. Valentine's day had come and she could not take it any more.

Yet she had come, waiting at the place she knew he was likely to be. She had no idea what she would say when she saw him. She would see him, she knew that much for sure. How would she face seeing him, what if he had found someone else, and brought her along. After all Valentines was a time for love.

No! Not love, she couldn't bare to think of love, not when her heart was a shattered ice sculpture, broken through by her own hand. The words she had forced herself to say… best not think of that, the jagged shards of ice from her frozen heart pierced the warm inner layer with every thought.

Her heart lurched, the broken shards digging in, as she saw him walk into the shop. He was alone. His movements jerky, his hair wet. She closed her eyes, and memories assailed her. A pain behind her eyes forcing her to look, to find his eyes locked on hers.

She fought it, the sensation of falling into those deep hazel eyes. She grabbed the shelf for support as her knees gave out; he walked slowly towards her, a question in his penetrating gaze.

Tears filled her eyes once more, and his arms encircled her, holding her. She felt her heart break again, that he would support her even after what she said. They walked out of the shop, his arms supporting her, as she leaned heavily on him.

The rain wasn't a bother for either of them, and instead of running for cover they made their way slowly across the street to a bench on the side of the road, and sat down, she leaned into his chest, and sighed.

Neither of them spoke. They listened as one to the pattering of the rain. The message that the rain delivered was not loud, and the healing wasn't quick, but she felt the ice melting inside her, the piercing shards replaced by healing waters.

Once again she looked into his eyes, the understanding she saw there very nearly killed her and she made as if to turn away. Before she could, his hand flew up and caught her chin, gently keeping her from turning away. Her chin trembled in his hands, and she bit her lip, trying to break his gaze, yet finding herself reluctant to look away.

He leaned in closer, his eyes locked on her until she closed her eyes. His lips brushed her forehead, surprising her; they were gentle and soft, completely modest. Of course he would have to be that way, she thought bitterly, a perfect gentleman whom she had broken brutally. 

She opened her eyes again, looked into his. "James," she rasped, unsure of what else to say. "James." In that one word, she said a million worlds, thought a million thoughts, asked every question. 

"Lily." he answered her questions with his simple response, his voice slightly hoarse, but deep and rich at the same time.

She opened her mouth to say more, but he touched her lips with his finger, shaking his head. "No, don't say anything. After I have my say, you can say whatever you want."

She nodded her head, and he stood up, pacing the street in front of her. "Lily! Lily, Lily."  
He took a shaking breath, and looked at her. "For years I chased you, always showing up, asking you to go out with me. I embarrassed you in front of your friends, set you up in front of the whole school. I tried to pressure you into going on one date with me. You, the only girl I knew wouldn't go out with me, the challenge." He started pacing the ground again, as if he had rehearsed this speech, but wasn't sure how to go about delivering it, now that the time had come.

"But you said no. Every time." She opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her with a look, and spoke again. "Yes, you refused me. You said no in front of your friends, in front the whole bloody school. You refused. And I couldn't stop. I popped up everywhere, asking and asking, hoping to catch you off guard. To trick you into accepting, before you could refuse."

"And in time, I couldn't stop. I could not stop asking you, and I sunk deeper, and deeper, and before I realized it, I fell in love with you. It was no longer a school crush; I woke up one morning, thinking about my future, and for a while yet, I had stopped thing of a future with anyone but you." That sentence doesn't make any sense

" I built myself around you. And then, when my friends finally got board of the whole charade, told me to leave off you and find someone else. It was then that I knew I had to tell you, before it was to late."

"I told you that I loved you Lily, and I will never forget the moment…" James' back was turned, so she didn't see the tears silently coursing down his face until he turned around.

Lily stood up and rushed to him. It was now or never. She had to let out the feelings she had never shared. Give him her heart, and trust him to take better care of it then she ever had.

"James, when I met you, my world turned upside down. I saw you, above us all, popular, beautiful. The one half the female student body was in love with." She took a deep breath, and felt her cheeks heat up.

"I never thought anyone would like me. I would be behind in school, I knew wouldn't understand anything. After all, I am a Mudblood, aren't I?"

James sucked in his breath at her choice of words, but she shook her head, tearfully. "It's the truth, no matter how you say it. I never had a chance with you, so I locked away my feelings, and buried them under layer after layer of hate, and ice. It wasn't too hard; my family was never one to share feelings. We did not have public fights, but then, we didn't show privet affection either." 

There was no stopping her now; she couldn't stem the flow of words. She had to tell him. She had to tell him every thing. "I knew my family would never accept me, so I added your loving family to my growing list of things I hated about you."  
Fat tears now slid down her face uncontrollably, and hiccups started and were pacified by James' gentle touch, his hand rubbing her back soothingly. She had to calm down, or she would never get the story out.

"For some reason, when every one was getting their first boy friends, someone to hold hands with at lunch and dump a week later, you turned your attentions on me. Yes, how the other girls in my dorm, even older girls, hated me, cold shouldered me."

James looked shocked, "I never meant-"

But she held up a hand. "You didn't know; how could you know ?" She merely shook back her hair angrily, "Imagine, your biggest crush, asking you out, while all the girls around you give you death stares? No. So I turned you down. I didn't want a fall out with the few friends I had, much better I give up something they don't want me to have then loose them altogether."

His eyes held pain and heart break for her, but he didn't try to interrupt. "It didn't help. When they finally grew out of you, knowing that they weren't the objects of your affections and found more attainable boyfriends, they began to patronize me for rejecting you, telling me that you would be a great boyfriend, and I was lucky to have you."

"I couldn't stand it. I saw boys declaring their love for a girl one day, the breaking up with her the next. No, I couldn't handle it; I loved you too much to be used then tossed aside like a soiled handkerchief, so still I refused, loving you more and more. I threw myself into my studies to try to get you off my mind, but found my self-day dreaming about the stupidest things about you."

"I grew to hate you, and love you, more severely than I loved or hated anyone. I couldn't stand how you could make me feel how I felt. I wanted to be able to control my own emotions. But you just had to go and tell me that you loved me didn't you?" She drew a rattling breath. "Didn't you?"

"I just couldn't stand the thought of you leaving me, so I never gave you the chance." Lily once again found herself drawn inexplicitly into his eyes.

"I don't think I could live with ought you," she whispered.

He was close, very close. She could see every freckle, every eyelash on his face, but she could also see nothing at all. "You won't have to," he promised, his breath brushing across her eyelids as they closed… 

Remus and Peter looked up from their game of chess as the portrait hole opened, Peter gave Sirius, who was sleeping on the couch, a little shove, awaking him, and pointing. "Prongs is back."

The three friends looked up eagerly for their tardy friend to come back in. They had been developing theories about what had happened to him. They hadn't seen him since around noon when he had left to visit the joke shop.

Their jaws hit the floor as they saw who was with their friend. It was a moment none of them had ever expected to experience. Lily Evans, the unattainable, the beautiful, the one who had been their biggest headache throughout their Hogwarts years, was walking hand in hand with James Potter.

Even though James had always reassured them that she was in love with him, some where deep, in a hidden heart, none of the rest of them believed existed, they had never thought he would actually convince her of this. He had, and she was smiling, though her eyes were red as though she had been crying. James had red eyes too, but none of them would have pointed this out to him in his moment of triumph.

There were a few squeals, and some thumps from some of the more delicate Gryffindors fainting when they saw this apparition. Sirius wolf whistled, and ran up to shake their hands.

There was another dull thump when he noticed the ring.


End file.
